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What’s In A Name?

Value: Geek| Intensity: Harsh

I love the Escapist Magazine web site.  I like it’s concept, it’s presentation, really everything about it.  Except one thing.  And I can’t stop watching it.  It’s called “I Hit It With My Axe”.  The concept is sound enough: Get a bunch of porn stars and strippers together and film them playing D&D.  What could go wrong?

And now, let me totally date myself by admitting: It’s the tattoos!  I just can’t stand all the tattoos the girls have.  I just can’t take anyone seriously that has that many tattoos.  Maybe it’s a cultural thing.  Perhaps it’s just because I’m Jewish.  (Yes, that’s right, HackNSlash is not the original family name.  When the family lived in Eastern Europe, we were Höchenczlaz.  But they changed it when we came through Ellis Island.)  Have you ever noticed that Jews don’t get tattoos?  Every wonder why?  Consider this exchange from my youth:

Me: “Hey, mom.  Can I get a tattoo?”

Mom: “No.  Don’t be an idiot.  You don’t want a tattoo.”

Me:  “But Grandma has a tattoo!  If she has one, why can’t I have one?”

Mom:  “HA!  Why don’t you go ask Grandma if you can have a tattoo?”

Me:  “If she says ‘Yes’, can I get one?”

Mom:  “Absolutely.”

(goes to Grandma)

Me:  “Hey, Grandma.  Can I get a tattoo?”

Grandma:  “What do you want a tattoo for?”

Me:  “I don’t know.  I think it might be cool.  So can I get one?”

Grandma:  “No.  Only the Goyim get tattoos.”

Me:  “But you have a tattoo!”

Grandma:  “That’s different.”

Me:  “Why is that different?”

Grandma:  “Because ADOLF HITLER gave me *my* tattoo!”

So I have come to the conclusion that, due to the Grandma factor, Jews are culturally incapable of getting tattoos.  And we will not overcome this limitation until the last Holocaust survivor has passed away.

And so I watch a collection of life’s tatted up castaways trying to play D&D.  Why do I watch?  I think it’s the name of the show.  I just…  like it!  I think it proves exactly the opposite of Shakespeare’s query.  For example, what’s the worst-named movie of all time?  “The Shawshank Redemption”, of course.  And yet, it’s also one of the best.  They play it on a non-stop continual loop on TNT, because everyone will watch it over and over again.  But who saw it in the movie theatre?  Roger Ebert, Tim Robbins mother, and the ghost of Gene Siskel.  That’s because of its name.

So where does “I Hit It With My Axe” rank on the Name Scale?  This is the scale that goes from 1: “The Shawshank Redemption” all the way up to 10: “Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb”.  I think I’ll give it an 8.

Anyway, it sure beats “Prognosticrat”!

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Categories: thoughts
  1. ladyradium
    April 23, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    I just watched a bit of an episode of this. It’s way lame. It in no way lives up to the coolness of its name.

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